I hate using this as my pedestal for whining, but sometimes it’s inevitable. Just when I feel things are starting to get on track where they’re supposed to be, the universe decides to throw a wrench into things. Maybe its because I’ve had it pretty easy my whole life. Maybe I’m being taught some sort of lesson. I never really realized how easy I had it until I didn’t anymore. 

Nothing has been easy since moving here. Job searching has been frustrating and downright depressing. The ratio for jobs applied to and jobs I actually received a call for an interview for is discouraging. I finally was offered a part time job, and I excitedly accepted. I was told after my health screening was cleared I would be contacted within a few days with my start date. After a week of silence I started attempting to contact the HR person for details. None of my calls were ever returned. I even started contacting my would-be manager, and still nothing. Determined not to give up because I really need this job, I went to the place and waited almost an hour to speak to someone. I wasn’t going to leave until I had some sort of answer. Unfortunately, I was told no good news. Basically I was hired for a position they technically didn’t even have yet. Until they get administrative approval for the position, I’m still in job limbo. 

When you’re growing up, you never realize how much you depended on your parents for things. I guess it’s an understanding that when you’re a parent you’re expected to provide for your child. When you’re an adult and you’re depending on someone else, it’s scary. I haven’t depended on my parents since I moved out when I was 19. Now I find myself in unfamiliar territory. I have to depend on both my boyfriend and parents. I feel like a loser and a failure. I’ve never felt this way about myself and I hate it. 

Despite my complaints, it really hasn’t been all bad here. I love my apartment. It’s gorgeous. I really do have an amazing boyfriend. If he didn’t treat me as awesome as he does by taking care of me, I would’ve gone home by now. I have friends that I can go out and have fun with. Chicago is an amazing city, I feel lucky to call this place my home. 

I’m not ready to throw the towel in yet. I rarely give up on things I set my mind to, and I like it too much here to go back. I’m just kind of stuck on the bottom floor in an elevator waiting to go up.